I’m getting whiplash from all the changes going on around me lately. Most of them are out of my control, some of them are very personal to others, and some of them (I’m hoping) will lead me down a positive road of changes. Despite that last fact…ENOUGH already! I know change is supposed to be good and can lead to great new opportunities, but can things please the stay the same for five freaking minutes?!
One change I’ve implemented myself was a tough decision to make, but I hope it will be worth it in the long run. When I finished my Master’s degree in May 2010, I started taking violin lessons. I’ve always wanted to learn to play the violin and ever since I was told in 5th grade that I didn’t have the ear for it (not that I’m still bitter about that, not at all), I’ve listened wistfully to violin music wishing I could do that. Okay, maybe I didn’t listen wistfully when I was in 5th grade, but definitely when I was in my 20’s. So, after I finished school I decided, I’m an adult, if I want to learn to play the violin, I damn well can! So I started taking lessons. Well, this week I decided to stop. I’m stopping for sure for the rest of the summer, I’m not sure if I’ll restart in the fall or not. It got to the point where it wasn’t fun anymore. All I did was stress about how I didn’t practice enough, didn’t want to practice, and how much I was going to suck when it came time for my weekly lesson. That is not fun. It got to the point where it was just an obligation. I don’t need any more obligations in my life. I’m hoping this change (while minor) will help relieve some of my stress and free up some time for me to do other things I want to do, instead of being paralyzed into inaction by worrying over other things I ‘should’ be doing.
I hate the word ‘should’ by the way. It makes me feel like a slacker.
That’s about the only recent change that is under my control. Things are changing at work, for better or worse I don’t know at this point, but I have absolutely no control over those changes. They are stressing me out, more because of the unknown and uncertainty in the future.
Things are changing in my personal life. The changes don’t affect me directly per se, but they affect those around me and I wish I could help in some way, but there’s really nothing I can do except be a sympathetic ear.
The changes are overwhelming, there are too many at once and I honestly don’t know what to do about most of them. I’m going to try to throw my overactive brain into a more productive environment and finally finish my outline in the next week so I can get back to writing. I’m tired of outlining; I want to see forward progression on the manuscript. (Not the best attitude I know, but that’s where I am right now.)
But, for better or worse, I’m going to embrace the changes and let them take me where they may. Who knows where I’ll be in a year…and how many more changes I’ll go through before then.